D for Depression (eek)

Living with depression (and actually quite well - usually!)

  • D for Depression (eek)

    Smiling or atypical depression

    Today something amazing has happened. After years of feeling that my depression is somehow wrong, inauthentic or inadequate in some way, I read an article yesterday which changed everything for me in terms of the way I view it and my feelings of not quite belonging to the genuine depression club. The article describes something called ‘smiling’ or ‘atypical depression’ and literally every line of the article resonates with me. I have talked previously about feeling like a fraud when I think about or describe my depressive feelings to others, and this article has helped me understand why I might feel this way. The symptoms of atypical depression Atypical or…

  • D for Depression (eek),  Motherhood without the manual

    Being a depressed parent – the effect on children

    Being a parent is one of the hardest things in the world, we all know that. Being a depressed parent is even harder. Of course I can only speak from my own experience in which I see my depression affecting my parenting in horrible ways every day. I snap at my children and my husband, and anger easily (I’m ashamed to admit that I have sworn at my children more than once.) I don’t want to play or interact with them, and then the guilt mounts to top it all off. Catastrophizing is also common, especially when my son has had febrile seizures and I think he is going to…

  • D for Depression (eek)

    Depression as a default state

    In my sporadic attempts to unearth the root/s of my frequently depressive state of being I have often been asked why I think I might be depressed and what it feels like. This is something I always struggle with because, when I say it out loud (that is, when I am actually capable of articulating it), it sounds as conceited as it does disingenuous. People always say that depression is felt and experienced in different ways by different people, and I understand that, but my experience of it has always felt somewhat fake, and my attempt to define it even more so. So whilst other sufferers describe feelings of withdrawal,…

  • D for Depression (eek)

    Mental health and physical health

    I’m sure there has been much written on the effect of physical illness on mental illness and vice versa, but having been unwell (albeit not seriously) for a few days now, I’ve been noticing how much my mental health declines when I am under the weather. For some reason, everything else spirals out of control when I’m ill, a tsunami effect over which I feel I have no power. When I’m physically ill, even if it’s just an annoying lingering cold and rattling cough (like now) or a sickness bug which will no doubt be short and not so sweet, I begin to catastrophise for some strange reason. Everything else…

  • D for Depression (eek)

    The real face of depression

    So, here is the post I’ve been unsure about writing for a while now but, in the interest of keeping my writing always real and honest, here it goes! I am depressed, I think. At some point a long time ago, perhaps in my morose mid-teens, I saw a doctor and discovered I was depressed. I don’t think at that point I was offered any medication, perhaps just some brief counselling which I have no recollection of attending. I’ve worn the badge of depression ever since (only visible to those close to me), almost defensively lest anyone dare challenge its authenticity. Having sampled several different antidepressants and types of counselling…